There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
