I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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