the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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