i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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