I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
