Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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