i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
