i was born a porn star she said
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So many bounce houses so little time
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
