Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
