Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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