Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
