pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
