Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
