Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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