I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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