a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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