doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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