I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
