I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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