i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
