One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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