I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
