The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
