They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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