Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
