I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
