Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
