You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
