You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
