I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
