i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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