dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
