Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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