I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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