OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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