i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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