Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
