He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
