On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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