you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i permit you to call me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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