my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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