when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
