is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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