It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
