So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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