How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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