Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
