no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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