it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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