I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Someone shit on the floor
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
