he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
