Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
only you would photoshop your dick
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
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