Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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