I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
