the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
